Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Food Theory!

And my obsession with food continues. In my last post "I am still a child!", I had proposed the "food equation". In this post, I intend to develop the complete "food theory!"
Introduction:
The "food theory" is a desperate attempt of a foodaholic to generalize the amount of food he can eat. It also has a various other applications, as described later in the section "applications".
Theory:
Assuming the ideal case, i.e. appetite is infinite, i.e. there is no natural (inbuilt) resistance to eat the food, the amount of food one can eat will depend on its taste alone (assuming no effect of ambiance, i.e. you would eat the same amount of the same food served along a lakeside with view of the setting sun and the rising moon, as well as alongside a buffalo and a pig in the midst of their holy pool of shit!). So first we need to setup a scale for taste. And its pretty simple. Assume the base level to be that of home food. Taste (T) can vary from -infinity to +infinity, i.e. food at messes in IIT Madras, Chennai, India to food at heaven. By personal experience, followed by stringent data fitting, I have arrived at the following relationship:
f=k*exp(T)+c
where k is a constant of proportionality and c is a constant corresponding to the minimum amount of food you have to eat to survive.
To find out the values of k and c, all you have to do is first come and eat at First/Second floor of Himalaya, IIT Madras, Chennai, India, precise coordinates: 12.9870 Latitude, 440.2632 Longitude. This amount will be the value of c for you, cause T here is -infinity (Note: I also found a new definitiion for infinity ;)). Now forget all the harassment you had to go through at this place, and head for some home made food.
K=(Amount of food you had at home - c). Cause in the defined scale, k_home=0.

Now let's define appetite. Appetite would depend only on time from last meal. Again by practical data, this time do not ask how, its linear. Hence,
A=pt
p is constant of proportionality and t is time. Now this term would represent resistance to food in the food equation. So lets define Antipetite (Resistance to eat food)=1/A.
Therefore the food equation becomes: f=k*exp(T)+c-1/A.
Note that this can go to negative. If it goes negative beyond a particular value, defined as the Vomit Threshold, you will vomit.

Applications:
  • You can calculate/predict precisely the amount of food you will eat in your next meal.
  • The prediction may even help you decide your menu even before going to a restaurant, if you know T for it.
  • You can also predict the time, when you are going to vomit, and save yourself from some humiliation.
  • Or even better, you can time/synchronise your vomit to a particular event. Vomiting can work wonders to get you out of something, if executed properly.
Drawbacks:
  • Effects of ambiance has been ignored.
  • No explanation of what happens to the food after entering into the stomach, known as the "excreation process". I have no intentions of thinking about it. If intrested, please stay away from me.

2 comments:

  1. Awesome macha !! With all this, you surely deserve a "Noble" prize from us ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ahhhh!!! Kill me with the sarcasm!!

    ReplyDelete